


Ain't Nothin' but a Hound Dog (or, That Time Derek and Stiles Accidentally Went on a Date)

by StilesIsBiles



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Banter, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Stiles Stilinski, Bisexuality, F/M, First Dates, First Kiss, M/M, Multi, POV Derek Hale, biles bilinksi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-30
Updated: 2014-04-30
Packaged: 2018-01-21 07:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1543343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StilesIsBiles/pseuds/StilesIsBiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles' Jeep breaks down, and only Derek Hale is available to 'rescue' him from the other side of Beacon Hills. One thing leads to another, and...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ain't Nothin' but a Hound Dog (or, That Time Derek and Stiles Accidentally Went on a Date)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to NotMissMarple and my partner for being beta readers!

“Why are you calling me for help?” Derek said, frowning, “why not your dad, or Scott?”

“Because my dad is pulling a late shift, and so is Mrs. McCall. Scott could pick me up but he’s working on a ‘project’ with Isaac and Allison-which is code for having vigorous sex while Mr. Argent is out of town…”

“Can’t I just give you a jump start?” Derek interrupted, not wanting to hear the details of teenager’s sex lives. 

“Uhm, a guy already came by and tried, didn’t work. I would have asked for a ride, but you know, Stranger Danger.”

“What about Lydia?”

“Date. Hopefully not with one of the Alpha twins. Omega twins? Or maybe they’re a Beta Pack. Is that a thing? Sounds like something to do with untested software.”

“Okay…” Derek said, raising an eyebrow even though Stiles couldn’t see, “So I am the only one who can give you a ride?”

“Yeah, you’re my only hope.” 

“Okay, fine, where are you?” Derek said. 

“Kind of…on the other side of Beacon Hills. Cary street.”

“Why?” Derek sighed. 

Stiles gasped as if offended, “did you not know there’s like, the best game shop within fifty miles?”

“I’m a grown up, Stiles. I don’t play games. I'm not a kid.”

“Dude, I just voted for the first time ever last month. That means I am 100% officially not a kid.”

“You voted for your dad in his reelection to Sheriff.” Derek pointed out amusedly, but added, “Congrats on that, by the way.”

“Aww, Derek, you’re such a gentleman!” Stiles snorted, “I’ll text you the address, okay?”

“Fine…you’re paying for gas.”

***

“You sure your jeep’s okay in the lot overnight?”

“Yep.” Stiles said, pushing the passenger seat of Derek’s car back until he was practically horizontal, “Man, your car is nice. I could fall asleep in this seat. Does it have butt warmers?”

“Sit up, Stiles, I’m not dealing with your dad if we get into an accident and you get killed for behaving like a dumbass.” 

“Do you not trust your driving skills? I could drive!” Stiles said, moving the seat back up.

“Not in a thousand years.” Derek said, turning the ignition. 

They drove in miraculous silence for a few minutes. Well, apart from Stiles fidgeting with his seatbelt, which a human probably couldn’t hear.

Derek had a brief, bizarre thought that a mostly-silent Stiles was actually kind of disconcerting, and regretted it immediately.

“You didn’t answer my question about butt warmers.” Stiles said.

“Stiles, it’s the summer and 78 degrees out.”

“Yeah, but the AC is a bit overkill and my butt is starting to get cold. In fact I think my testicles are gonna permanently shrink…”

“Oh my God, Stiles, I don’t want to hear that much detail!” Derek groaned, pushing to the back of his mind that he heard his own heart skip. Lie.

“Well, then turn on the butt warmers or turn down the AC. Oh, and turn on some music!”

“That depends.” Derek said, turning the AC down, “are you going to do that thing where you sing along, making up lyrics that you don’t know?”

“Music is in my blood.” Stiles protested,.

“No it isn’t.” Derek said, “at least singing isn’t.”

“Hmmph, fine. It’s less fun without Scott to duet with me anyway. Unless you want to sing with me.” 

“NO.” Derek said firmly. 

Stiles snorted a protest, and crossed his arms.

There was silence for an impressive 30 seconds.

This time, the interruption was Stiles’ stomach making an ungodly growling noise.

“What the hell was that?” Derek said.

“Oh, nothing, I’ve just got a baby werewolf growing inside me. Going to name it Der Bear. I’m hungry, we need to stop for food.”

Derek groaned.

“I’m hypoglycemic, Derek, it’s a medical condition!” 

“Fine.” Derek said, “what is even open tonight?

“Oh, look, the Village Diner!” Stiles exclaimed, pointing like a sailor going, ‘land, ho!’ “It’s 24 hours, dude, we HAVE to go! They have the best hotdogs.” Stiles was bouncing. 

“How about a fast food place? It’s cheaper.”

“I’ll buy you food, then! Anything off the menu!”

Derek scowled. He had to admit, he was kind of hungry, too. 

“Fine.”

 

***

“Do you have a quarter, Derek?” Stiles said.

“Aren’t you paying?”

“Yeah, with a debit card! I’ll pay you back a quarter later if it’s that big of a deal.”

Derek grumbled. “Fine.” He said, getting one from his wallet.  
Stiles took it gleefully, then started messing with one of the little Jukebox machines each table had.

Derek looked around. It wasn’t a bad place, if you could get over how bright the neon was. Everything was neon lights and 50s theme-though he very much doubted the 50s actually looked like that. He knew all the 80s themed stuff was inaccurate, and he’d been alive less than two years in that decade.

Suddenly he noticed Stiles was giggling profusely. 

“What the hell are you doing?” he said as Stiles started pounding the table with laughter.

Suddenly, a song started playing throughout the diner.

_You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog…_

Derek glowered. “I am going to KILL you.”

Stiles got up and actually started DANCING. Well, what Stiles called dancing.

“Sit DOWN.” Derek sighed, though he very briefly cracked a fond grin. 

The waitresses arrived, a young redheaded woman.

“Hi, I’m Menolly and I’ll be serving you tonight. What can I get you boys?” She smiled.

Boys? Derek thought indignantly. He suddenly regretted with all his heart he’d actually shaved that morning. The beard was coming back, and it better fucking grow fast.

“I will have two of your best hotdogs, everything on it, and a corndog. Oh, and curly fries! An order for both of us, though I’ll end up eating most of it probably. Cheese! Covered in cheese!”

“Alright!” she said, smiling at Stiles, who beamed like he’d just seen the gates of heaven open. 

Derek glowered. The woman raised a ginger eyebrow at him, glancing from him to Stiles, then smiled knowingly as if she’d figured out some secret. 

“Can I get you anything, sir?” she said, still wearing that irritating knowing look.

 

“Uhm…” Derek said, realizing he’d not even looked at the menu. “What Stiles had, I guess. Though no more fries as apparently we’re sharing.”

“Of course!” the waitress’s grin grew wider, “together?”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Derek said a little too quickly.

She laughed, “no, I mean, one check or two?”

“One, I’m paying.” Stiles said. 

“Alrighty, then!” she said, taking their menus and walking away. Stiles stared after her as if her essence contained the cure for all sadness in the world.

“Would it be totally weird if I asked for her number?” Stiles asked Derek.

“What is it with you and redheads?” Derek mumbled, not looking at Stiles. He started fidgeting with the salt shaker.

“What are you talking about? OH! Right. No, Lydia is strawberry blonde.” Stiles said.

Derek tried to ignore the fondness for Lydia in Stiles’ voice, “I thought you were over her?”

“Because apparently to get over someone you have to forget their hair color? I’m over my childhood Power Rangers obsession but I can still quote every episode to a T. Besides, we’re like, close friends now.”

“How close?” Derek said, still fidgeting with the salt. 

“Not as close as me and Scott but we’re definitely friends.” Stiles shrugged, “to be honest, it’s kinda great to get to know someone for real. You know?”

“Not really,” Derek said. “You know what happens when I get close to people. I don’t do well in relationships.”

“Ouch, buddy. But no, Lydia’s great. And it isn’t a relationship? So, yeah.”

Derek made no reply, and continued twirling the salt.

“You okay?” Stiles asked.

“Yep,” said, still not looking up.

“Uhm, then why are you looking at that salt so intently? Should I be worried this place is staffed by demons?”

“Salt doesn’t work against demons. Where did you hear that?”

Stiles rolled his eyes, “oh my God, you live under a rock. And whoa, demons exist?”

Derek ignored him.

The fries arrived. Stiles bounced joyfully as if the waitress was handing him his newborn child.

“YES!” Stiles said, “they never skimp on the cheese. Thanks. What’s your name again?”

“Menolly.” She said.

“Like, Menolly from the _Harper Hall_ trilogy by Anne McCaffery?”

“Oh my God, yes! My mom’s a huge fan.”

“Mine too! Well, she was. She’s dead. This is awkward.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Menolly said, “I lost my great uncle a few years ago. I know it’s not the same, but…”

“Loss is loss.” Stiles said, frowning, “so yeah. It sucks.”

Obviously unsure of what to say, Menolly gave him a light smile, “I’ll be right back with your order,” she said, and turned to leave.

“I’m Stiles, by the way!” Stiles called after her. “Man, I fucking suck at flirting.” Stiles mumbled.

Derek was grateful, but he didn’t know why. He sat silently, unable to bring himself to say anything. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say.

“You SURE you okay? I mean, I know you like a good brood, but your scowling is reaching an all new level.”

“Fine.” Derek said, “I’m fine.”

“What, are you jealous?” Stiles said.

“Of what? Your shitty flirting skills?”

“Afraid I’m red-haired exclusive?” Stiles teased.

“No.” 

“I actually prefer dark-haired guys. The whole tall, dark, and handsome thing,” Stiles said offhand, “OH! I should probably tell you I’m bisexual. I didn’t know, but this girl Caitlin-I met her at a rave…”

“The one you and your friends decided to throw at my loft? Yeah, I remember.” He remembered walking in and telling everyone to get out. He’d caught Stiles enthusiastically kissing a girl-maybe that was Caitlin. Seeing Stiles kissing made him feel…well, he didn’t know what it made him feel. Something protective, definitely. 

“Mmm.” said Stiles, stuffing his face with curly fries. His mouth was annoying. Distracting. Kind of…appealing? No.

“Want some?” 

_Yes, God, yes I do._ Derek thought absurdly, not at all about curly fries. What was with him tonight? “No, you go on ahead.” 

The food arrived, Menolly and Stiles back to their previous quasi-flirting. Derek didn’t hear a word they said (though it had something to do with which _Dragonriders of Pern_ book they liked best), but only noticed Stiles eating a corndog while he continued to ramble.

That was possibly the most absurd thing to find suggestive. In college, he’d learned about the whole Freud thing, but sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, right? And a corndog is always just a corndog, especially when Stiles was the one eating it.

Derek was relieved when Menolly left, though afraid Stiles might somehow know what Derek was thinking when he turned to look at him. He seemed fixated on the corndog, though. Good.

Not good. Derek was grateful Stiles was not a werewolf, and couldn’t hear that his heartbeat was speeding up. This was getting ridiculous. He tore his eyes away from Stiles and focused on his own food. 

They were silent, except for Stiles singing a song about corn dogs being the greatest invention, other than curly fries. He didn’t look up when Stiles moved onto the hot dogs, and ignored the almost-erotic sounds Stiles was making.

“They have the best hot dogs. Did I tell you they have the best hot dogs? I was right.”

Derek had to admit the food was good. But he was glad when it was over with, the bill paid, and they were headed out. 

***

The ride home consisted of Stiles enthusiastically talking about his adventures at the game shop, and how he’d wish he’d invited Menolly there. Derek himself was lost in thought.

So, Stiles finally figured out he was bi, long after everyone in Beacon Hills (hell, probably the whole planet) caught on. And apparently he liked ‘dark-haired’ guys. Statistically, there were a lot of dark-haired guys out there, so the likelihood of Stiles having any attraction to Derek was slim. Maybe he’d have more luck in the Stiles department if he were a girl with hair some varying shade of red, which was less common. Not that he wanted to have any kind of thing with Stiles. Ever. 

They pulled up in Stiles’ driveway, his dad still not home.

“Oh, shit!” Stiles said the second the car was turned off, “I was going to pay for gas. We should have stopped somewhere. I don’t have any cash on me, but I do in my nightstand. You can come in and grab a coke or something. Don’t touch my dad’s beer, he’ll send the whole police department for you.”

Derek mumbled an affirmation. 

Once inside, Derek felt a bit awkward as Stiles trotted right off to his bedroom. He’d said “grab a coke”, but it felt a bit weird to go through his refrigerator. He wasn’t going to be here long, so he shouldn’t even bother sitting down. 

“Hey, come in here!” Stiles called. 

What the hell could he even want? Derek wondered. He ignored that his thoughts casually meandered into x-rated territory.

Derek shook his head. His brain needed to shut up. Reluctantly, he walked toward Stiles’ bedroom.

Stiles was on his computer.

“What are you doing?” Derek said.

“Looking at hardcore porn.” Stiles snorted. “No, I’m mapping the distance between here and the comic shop. What’s your MPG? I want to figure out how much I owe you.

“Don’t worry about it, Stiles. You bought me dinner, that’s enough.” 

“I bought you dinner because I made you take a food detour, taking up about an hour of your valuable life. I’m paying for gas.”

“Just give me a couple bucks and you’re fine.

“A couple? You sure? Isn’t your car like, 100 gallons to the mile?”

“No car is that shitty.” Derek said.

“I could just give you a kiss.” Stiles said.

Derek was stunned, “what? Is that a joke?” he said. He tried to sound annoyed, but instead he sounded…hopeful? Hopeful that it wasn’t.

“It WAS, but judging by your reaction maybe it doesn’t have to be?”

Derek was surprised at himself when he actually _considered._

“Silence is not an answer.” Stiles said.

“Yes.”

“Yes it’s a joke or yes you can kiss me?”

“Yes you can kiss me.” _I am going to regret this._

“Wow, I didn’t actually expect you to-mmm!” Stiles went stiff for a moment as Derek pressed his lips to his, then relaxed.

Derek had never actually kissed a guy before. He’d thought about it, maybe even-he made an embarrassing squeaking noise as Stiles slipped his tongue into his mouth-yeah, maybe even with Stiles. 

“Derek Hale, did you just squeak?” Stiles said, pulling their lips apart. 

“I’ve never done this before.” 

“Uhm…” Stiles raised his eyebrows disbelievingly. 

“I mean kissed a man, you idiot.”

“Me neither. It’s…nice.” Stiles said, kissing him soundly again. Derek made his best effort not to squeak. In fact, he found himself making other, much less embarrassing noises as their tongues lightly teased at each other. Stiles let out a moan, and, Jesus.

“When’s your dad getting back?” Derek asked hurriedly. 

“Not for another three hours. Why…are you asking for a reason?”

“Are you suggesting something? Isn’t there some thing about not doing that on the first date?”

“So this was a date?” Stiles said.

“Maybe.” Derek replied, “accidentally.”

“Hmm, so do you want to wait or…”

Derek’s answer was kissing Stiles again, more passionately than he’d ever kissed anyone in his life. As the sheriff wasn’t going to be home for another three hours, he made no effort to be quiet, and-as silence was not Stiles’ forte, neither did he. 

They fell into a tangled mess onto Stiles’ bed, attempting to keep making out while starting to remove clothing. 

“Stiles, turns out I got my schedule wrong, I’m home e-dear God…” the door closed rather sharply.

“SHIT!” Stiles screeched, “we left the door unlocked. And open. We’re idiots.”

“Jesus Christ.” Derek said, “he’s going to kill me.”

“No offense, Derek, but I’m not losing my virginity while my dad is in the other room and traumatized.”

“Fair enough.” Derek said. He stood and put his shirt back on, Stiles doing the same.

“But we can go out again sometime, right? I didn’t ruin everything?”

“No. I mean, no you didn’t ruin everything. Yes, we can go out again. Or stay in, if you prefer.” 

Stiles gulped. “Sounds good. Man, this was a weird evening.”

They kissed again. It was awkward, considering the situation, but somehow perfect. 

“I’ll see you, then? This weekend?”

“Yeah, definitely.” He kissed Stiles goodbye, and left, politely ignoring the fact that he could hear Stiles unzipping his jeans (he could guess the reason) immediately as he shut the door behind him.

The Sheriff didn’t turn around as Derek walked toward the front door, watching TV and clutching one of his prized beers rather too tightly. “We are having a talk soon.” he called out as Derek opened the door. “I just need a while to clear my head and forget I ever saw that.”

“Right.” Derek said, leaving quickly and cautiously just in case the Sheriff changed his mind and decided to shoot him. 

The ride back home was silent, and where Derek usually found solace, it felt empty, his only comfort being that Stiles’ scent clearly lingered.

Back at home, Erica and Boyd eyed him curiously.

“Is he grinning?” said Boyd, “Derek grins?”

“And when he left he sounded like he was just about ready to let us drive his car so we could pick up Stiles.” Erica said.

“Not in a million years.” Derek grumbled. He tried to scowl, but found himself unable. _Stiles had broken his scowl._

“Do you mind telling us why you smell like Stiles and sexual arousal?” Erica smiled in a way that reminded him of the all-knowing look of the waitress back at the diner.  
“And why you’re grinning, for once? Gonna tell us what happened?”

“Not in a million years.” Derek repeated.

“That doesn’t answer our question.” Boyd grinned, “or maybe it does.”

Derek ignored them and attempted to resist flipping them off as he went back to his bedroom. Attempted, and failed. 

He heard Erica and Boyd laughing as he closed his bedroom door. 

Just then, his phone buzzed.

_I know it’s soon, but how about a movie tomorrow? I miss you._

A few hours ago, Derek would have never believed this would happen. Now he felt unbelievably giddy, like a kid in grade school experiencing their first crush. Except this was…different. He knew Stiles. Maybe there had been something there before, and he just hadn’t noticed it-or rather, had tried not to notice it.

Derek had not smiled so much in years-the sides of his face hurt as his muscles adjusted to the long forgotten sensation. 

His heart pounded as he typed back a reply.

_Sounds good. And I miss you, too._


End file.
